I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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