my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
