your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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