yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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