We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
