I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
