If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Hippo gnu deer
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
