he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
