So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
