I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
