don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
