I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Someone signed my nipple.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
