my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Operation Purity has been aborted
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
