Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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