Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Still dying that you shit outside
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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