Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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