Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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