your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
