we're blogging at a bar
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
