Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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