physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
