Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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