i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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