You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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