How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
