i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
