were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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