We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
