You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
