there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
