I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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