I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
