Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
