Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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