Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
