My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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