i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
