I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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