i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
