he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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