I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
