What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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