During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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