I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
