i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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