What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
