fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
