My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
