I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
