dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
