life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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